CPTSD: Navigating Love, Avoidance, & the Journey of Somatic Reconnection

When you live with CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), the world can feel like a place where love and avoidance are constantly at odds. You crave deep connection, but at the same time, you find yourself pulling away, feeling trapped in a cycle of fear, disconnection, and emotional walls. The dissonance between what you desire and what you fear can feel overwhelming.

The Push and Pull of Love and Avoidance

CPTSD often leaves us with a love-hate relationship with connection. On the one hand, we long for closeness and intimacy, but on the other hand, we’ve been wounded in a way that causes us to withdraw, protect ourselves, or avoid deep emotional engagement. This internal tug-of-war stems from past trauma, where our capacity for trust was shattered and our nervous systems learned to shut down when emotional vulnerability felt too dangerous.

This push-pull dynamic can feel exhausting, leaving us with a sense of self-doubt, guilt, and frustration. We might believe we’re broken, unable to experience healthy, fulfilling love, or that our relationships will always be marred by emotional distance and fear.

But here’s the truth: You can rebuild your capacity for love and connection. The key lies in somatic reconnection, the practice of reconnecting with your body and re-establishing trust with yourself and others, step by step.

The Role of Somatic Reconnection in Healing

Somatic practices are a powerful tool for healing trauma. Trauma, especially CPTSD, doesn’t just affect the mind—it has deep, lasting effects on the body. Somatic healing focuses on the physical sensations and memories held in the body, allowing us to reprocess trauma and reconnect with the present moment in a safe and grounded way.

When you experience CPTSD, your body often carries the emotional imprints of past trauma. These imprints can manifest as tightness, numbness, disassociation, or anxiety. Somatic practices help you become more aware of these bodily sensations, allowing you to release the stored emotional energy and create new pathways for healing.

Understanding Avoidance in CPTSD

Avoidance in CPTSD can take many forms. You might avoid certain people, situations, or even your own emotions because they feel overwhelming or triggering. The avoidance often comes from an unconscious attempt to protect yourself from further hurt, but in doing so, you create more distance between yourself and the connection you need.

This avoidance is not a reflection of your capacity for love, it’s a defence mechanism developed over time to keep you emotionally safe. But here’s the paradox: avoiding connection only deepens the feeling of isolation and disconnection. To heal, you need to reconnect with both yourself and others in a safe, structured way.

Somatic Reconnection Practices for Healing Love and Avoidance

Here are some somatic practices to help you begin healing the cycle of love and avoidance, and to start building a sense of safety in your body:

1. Body Scanning and Awareness
   Start by performing a simple body scan. Lie down or sit in a comfortable position and bring your awareness to each part of your body, from head to toe. Pay attention to any sensations, tightness, or discomfort. As you breathe deeply, allow your breath to soften areas of tension. This helps you reconnect with your body in a safe, non-threatening way.

2. Grounding Exercises
   Grounding is a powerful technique to help you return to the present moment, especially when you’re feeling emotionally flooded or disconnected. Try standing with your feet flat on the floor, hips-width apart. Close your eyes and imagine roots growing from your feet deep into the Earth. This technique can help you feel more stable and secure in your body.

3. Breathwork for Nervous System Regulation
   Breathwork can be a soothing way to regulate your nervous system when you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions. Practice deep, slow breaths, inhaling for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for a count of six. This type of breathing helps calm the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for the fight-or-flight response) and activate the parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for relaxation and safety).

4. Gentle Movement and Stretching
   For those who have dissociated or shut down parts of their body, gentle movement can help restore a sense of presence. Try light stretching or yoga to help bring awareness back into your body. Even simple movements, like rocking or swaying, can help ease the tension and create a feeling of connection.

5. Somatic Meditation
   Practice somatic meditation by focusing on the physical sensations in your body. Sit quietly and tune into the energy in your chest, your belly, your arms, or legs. You don’t have to analyze or interpret the sensations; just notice them and allow them to be. This practice can help you cultivate a deep sense of presence and safety.

6. Healing Touch
   When appropriate, self-massage or gentle touch can be deeply soothing for trauma survivors. Touch helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, allowing the body to relax and release tension. Start by gently massaging your arms, neck, or shoulders, areas that hold tension.

7. Reframing Your Relationship with Love
   Part of healing involves shifting your beliefs about love. If love has been associated with pain or abandonment in the past, it’s important to begin to reframe what love means to you. Consider what healthy, supportive love looks like—both in relationships and within yourself. Practice self-compassion and give yourself permission to receive love without fear.

Healing Love and Avoidance: The Path to Reconnection

Healing from CPTSD involves breaking the cycle of avoidance and learning to reconnect with your body, your emotions, and your relationships in a safe, nurturing way. By incorporating somatic practices into your healing journey, you can start to rebuild trust with yourself and others.

Embodying Safe Connection

You are not broken. You are not beyond repair. You are capable of love, connection, and healing.

By allowing your body to guide you, tuning into the sensations of your emotions, and engaging in somatic healing practices, you can reclaim your ability to experience deep, authentic connection and heal the patterns of love and avoidance that have held you back.