Why I Haven’t Written About Narcissists (& Why You Don’t Need Me To)
If you’ve landed here, chances are you already know everything you need to know about the narcissist you’ve encountered, whether they were your parent, a romantic partner, or even a colleague. You’ve lived it, and you’ve felt the weight of their manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional neglect. You’ve experienced the silent treatment, the fluctuating mood swings, the unpredictability, and the ever-present feeling of walking on eggshells. You’ve been there, you know it.
So why haven’t I written about narcissists and their traits?
It’s simple: you don’t need me to. You already have the knowledge, the awareness, and most importantly, the lived experience of being in a relationship with someone who never truly sees you. What I’m here to help you with is something far more vital: healing the mess they left behind.
You Already Know the Narcissist’s Playbook
You’ve probably read the articles, seen the memes, or maybe you’ve even gone through a book or two that dissect the traits of a narcissist. And while that information may have been important at the start of your journey, it doesn’t help you in the long run. Because at this point, you know who they are, how they work, and how they manipulate, control, and emotionally deplete everyone they touch.
What you’re really here for, the real work, is how to heal from the mess they left you in.
The Aftermath: How Narcissistic Abuse Shows Up in Your Life
Narcissists are brilliant at creating chaos, leaving people in a constant state of confusion and emotional exhaustion. You were probably left feeling hyper-sensitive, as if everything you do is being scrutinised, criticised, or twisted to meet their needs. And the emotional toll it takes on you is immense:
Hyper-reactivity: You’ve become accustomed to overreacting, whether it’s anger, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm, because you never knew where you stood with them. Every situation felt like a test, and every word was laced with a potential for attack. Now, your reactions are often outsized, disproportionate, and completely out of line with your own truth.
Self-Doubt: Narcissists are masters of gaslighting, making you doubt your reality and second-guess your own perceptions. After spending so much time with someone who consistently questioned your every move, you may now find yourself in a constant state of questioning your worth and your decisions.
Constant Feeling of Unworthiness: Narcissists thrive on making you feel small, unimportant, or like you’re never enough. Their inability to truly see you leaves you with a deep, gnawing belief that you’re somehow not deserving of love, respect, or basic decency.
Isolation and Loneliness: Narcissists often drive wedges between you and the people who love you, using charm to manipulate your social circles or instil fear and guilt about others’ intentions. As a result, you may feel isolated, even after they’re gone.
Trust Issues: You’ve been betrayed, lied to, and treated like a doormat for so long that it’s hard to trust anyone again—your friends, your family, or even your own instincts. And that’s because narcissistic abuse isn’t just about one person; it’s about making you question every relationship and every connection.
The aftermath is deep and pervasive, and it doesn’t go away with the simple knowledge of narcissistic traits. It requires true healing, and that healing begins within you.
The Healing Journey: Reclaiming Yourself
What you truly need is support to unravel the lasting effects of living with a narcissist. The hyper-sensitivity, hyper-reactivity, and self-doubt that now cloud your life—these are the results of a toxic emotional environment, one where your boundaries were violated, and your truth was continually disregarded.
This is where the real work begins: reclaiming yourself.
Reclaim Your Boundaries: Start by defining your boundaries and getting comfortable with saying no, even to people you love. A narcissist’s greatest strength lies in their ability to push your boundaries until they no longer exist. Rebuilding them will take time, but it’s the foundation of your healing.
Rebuild Your Self-Worth: You are not what they made you believe. Your worth isn’t conditional on their approval, their love, or their respect. Your healing journey starts with reconnecting with your inherent worth, knowing that you are deserving of respect, love, and peace, simply because you exist.
Learn to Trust Again: Rebuilding trust in yourself is crucial. After all the gaslighting, manipulation, and betrayal, it’s easy to distrust your own instincts. Start small, and listen to your gut. Trust that you are your best ally.
Rebalance Your Emotional Responses: You are not broken. You’re not doomed to react from a place of trauma forever. But healing takes awareness. Somatic practices, mindfulness, and learning to regulate your emotions will help you reconnect with your true self and learn how to respond instead of react.
Surround Yourself with the Right Support: Narcissistic abuse thrives in isolation, but recovery thrives in community. Whether it’s a coach, therapist, or group of supportive friends, surrounding yourself with people who truly see you is essential to healing.
You Don’t Need More Narcissistic Knowledge, You Need More You
At this point, the information is clear: you’ve already been in the trenches with a narcissist, and you’ve already gathered all the knowledge you need about their toxic traits. What you’re really here for is how to heal from the emotional wreckage they left behind.
It’s time to stop focusing on them and start focusing on you. The healing journey is about reclaiming your emotional sovereignty and rewriting your story in a way that honours who you are, what you’ve been through, and who you are becoming.
You are not defined by your relationship with a narcissist. You are defined by how you choose to rise from the ashes they left behind.
Ready to Start Healing?
If you’re ready to take the next step in healing and reclaiming yourself, I’m here to guide you through the process. No more knowledge about narcissists, it’s time to focus on you, your healing, and your future. Let’s start today.